Hey, my beautiful readers 🐚

Love is a variety of different feelings, states, and attitudes that ranges from interpersonal affection (“I love my mother”) to pleasure (“I loved that meal”). It can refer to an emotion of a strong attraction and personal attachment.

Despite watching every one of my mother’s relationships falter, hearing all about the abusive marriage my grandmother had been trapped in most of her life and my own numerous bad relationship experiences; my naive little self has always been eager for the romanticized perception of the idea of love. The sugar coated, unrealistic rom-com’s; the beautiful captivating stories of lovers in romance novels; and that really old couple that you see walking down the street hand in hand, smiling as if they have just been in love forever and never had any problems.. Ever…

Most of my childhood and early teen years I did what most young girls do: watch movies about how the princess gets rescued by the tall, tan, dark haired man in the big shiny metal suit. Then sit and fantasize about my future Prince Charming and when I finally decided I was old enough to have my first boyfriend and begin hunting for my shiny man, 14 year old me unknowingly began a never ending cycle of eagerly selected (but poorly chosen) pimply faced, teenage boys. My poor taste didn’t just stop at looks; since then I have had an abusive boyfriend, 2 overly possessive psychotic wonders, a handful of cheating manipulative keepers and a few more compulsive liars. Unfortunately for me I jumped from one puppy-love heartbreak to the next, set out to find the best in the worst people, which might have left minor emotional scars and an extreme case of distrust in men. 

Convincing myself that I was in love became a nasty habit and every time I thought I had overcome this horrible aspect of myself, I found myself stuck in a relationship with someone I didn’t even like and struggling to get out of it. Trying to fix myself proved to be a lot more difficult then it was to get into the habit and I spent a lot of time hoping against hope that I wouldn’t suffer the same fate as my mother. 

In my hunt for true love I forgot to ask myself what love actually is. My unrealistic misconception of love might have been what led to all of my bad relationships with bad people (and I have no one else to thank but the media). If this is the case, who else has suffered with the same problematic relationships and confused emotions that I have (because of all these Disney movies telling us we need a man to be complete…) and not understanding what was wrong with me for not feeling emotion the way I thought I should.

In all honesty, my thoughts on love have basically been concluded to this: Love is being with your best friend; doing what friends would do: climbing mountains with him/her, wading beneath waterfalls and going paint balling; but it is also falling asleep in eachothers’ arms and him/her kissing you goodnight. There is no need for reassurance because you know this person is going to be by your side through it all.

I have yet to meet someone who I can feel this way with. I might not be in the right mental state to love ever but that shouldn’t stop anyone else from loving. ✨

Blessing to all of you on your love journey 🌻🌻

Blessed be, babies πŸƒ

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